Frances Ha (2013) - 'What I Want' Monologue

 

I chose this monologue to re-enact because it's mature and resonates with an experience I had when I first met my partner who was on stage at our Church and we caught each others eyes for a while and I just knew we had something.

The actress conveys this moment candidly as what she wants. Something secure and solid she can depend upon. She wants emotional security and I believe my version of this monologue below is really authentic to the role though obviously it's not as good as professionals.

I think this one is better than my other self-tapes, I am more natural and relaxed, but I can see why in movies you need a director to get everything from your voice, pitch, body language accurate.

Compelling Monologues - Celines Estevez

 

This is the most compelling monologue I found today. Last year I read about creating self-tapes and this is the perfect self-tape even though she does not introduce herself and her character. 

I can see why the background has to be neutral because the focus is on her and her acting. I can't do anything about my background right now but I am not looking for an acting job anyway, just having fun.

What I find most compelling about her dramatic monologue is her emotion. It's very convincing. I can see why in drama classes they teach you how to express emotion when you act and use your body.

Well, I'm planning on creating a self-tape this weekend of a monologue from a romantic comedy. Still searching for a clip.

Monologues remind me of my training in Drama class in the 9th grade. I wrote and performed my first monologue as a pregnant teen and used my roller balling helmet as my pregnant belly.

When I performed it for the class I was so into it and then I tapped my belly and it made a sound and everybody laughed. I got a B for it so I am happy.

I am so excited to be creating self-tapes again. Most fun for me.

The History of My Career and What the Hell Does One Learn in the Performing Arts?

In the first university I went to in 2004 fresh out of high school, the University of Cape Town (UCT), I was studying Property Studies and soon panicked that I was doing the wrong thing because it bored me out of my mind and I was so not interested. In class I would cry because I hated the classes, except property investment mathematics for some reason.

I was performing so badly in my first year and I was told by my psychologist that I can change faculties. Naturally, I toyed around with changing to the performing arts but it was just out of the question because my dad would not pay for that. I had to pursue STEM to get a secure job. 

Things were falling apart even in my personal life that I cried out for help by just attempting suicide by drinking all the painkillers my dad gave me. I woke up the next morning and called an ambulance and that's how I dropped out of first year dramatically. Quite the Grande exit.

So, recently I've been reevaluating my career path as God has been addressing for healing my thoughts and feelings about having to pursue STEM when I belonged in the performing arts. I let go of my aspiration (self-view) for intelligence, and I accepted I did not have singular intelligence as those in STEM do although I am intelligent, and I found increase, equity, rest, and completion in Christ which gave substance to my hope in Him, that regardless of how my life has turned out God's mercy would deliver me.

Today I am an IT Business Analyst. After UCT I pursued Information Technology (IT) at my dad's behest which I was interested in anyway, and I graduated with a diploma. I became a software developer then went back to varsity to pursue a degree in software engineering. It took a while to find work to complete my degree in the 4th year and then I found a job at Accenture where my career changed to Business Analysis and I was so damned relieved because I was beginning to resent programming and now I'm in my second job as a BA and because I have a talent for writing too I actually do enjoy the technical writing I am doing, compiling Business Requirement Documents (BRD's) for the development team.

However, I did not complete my degree because I was so distracted, having so much fun and also struggling with psychosis. It was so embarassing not to graduate but I overcome myself, the world, and the devil and now it's just my worst faux pas which happened because I was going through a lot and I was still psychologically immature. 

So anyway, I've always enjoyed the performing arts; singing, dancing, and acting. I did a lot of singing and acting through out school as I joined choirs and partook in school plays. In my final year of high school I won the best actress award! My greatest achievement regarding my natural gifts, talents, and skills (signature). But now that I understand what my best talents are (acting/writing), I am interested in learning more.

So I asked Grok 3, "what does one learn in the performing arts?"

Response: "In the performing arts, one learns a wide range of skills and disciplines that revolve around creative expression through live performance. This field typically includes theater, dance, music, and sometimes extends to areas like opera, circus arts, or performance art. Here's a breakdown of what you might learn:

1. Technical Skills: Depending on the focus, you could master acting techniques (e.g., method acting, improvisation), vocal training (singing, projection, diction), dance choreography, or playing musical instruments. Each discipline has its own set of foundational skills—like breath control for singers or stage combat for actors.

2. Emotional Expression: A big part of performing arts is learning to convey emotions authentically. You’re taught how to tap into feelings, interpret characters or pieces, and connect with an audience on a visceral level.

3. Physical Awareness: Whether it’s perfecting a pirouette, hitting a high note, or delivering a monologue, you develop control over your body and voice. This includes stamina, coordination, and sometimes even acrobatics or mime.

4. Collaboration: Performing arts often involve working with others—directors, choreographers, fellow actors, musicians, or stage crews. You learn teamwork, communication, and how to adapt to different creative visions.

5. Creativity and Interpretation: You’re trained to analyze scripts, scores, or choreography, bringing your own perspective while respecting the material. This might mean exploring subtext in a play or improvising within a jazz piece.

6. Stagecraft: Beyond performance, you often pick up practical knowledge like set design, lighting, sound, costume creation, or makeup—especially in smaller productions where multitasking is common.

7. Discipline and Resilience: Rehearsals can be grueling, and rejection is frequent. You learn persistence, time management, and how to handle critique.

8. Cultural and Historical Context: Many programs dive into the history of theater, music, or dance, giving you a deeper appreciation of how these arts evolved and their societal roles.

It’s a blend of the practical and the intangible—honing a craft while exploring what it means to tell stories or evoke reactions."

While it's a little too late for me to pursue acting even though I would love to be a drama teacher and acting coach, I've decided to just start this blog for fun and showcase what I get up to privately on my own as I perform in my bedroom and also maybe take some short courses to hone my skills.

I'm happy because my life has taken the turn for the better and I am looking forward to my future and the glorious things God has in store for me even in this life.

All You Need to Know About My First Book I Am Currently Publishing

 Virtual 2 Reality is about two soulmates on opposite ends of this world separated by a trafficking system in which Melanie Burns is a "soft slave". She meets Colin Ruth in the organization her parents sent her to for rehabilitation and they began dating on a virtual reality app.

This is true to my life because my mom ministered to me about the covenant of Jesus Christ which the Second 8th Week Ministries teaches and when I joined my life changed and I met my partner.

I've just received from my publisher the PDF version of how my book will look and I can't believe this is happening! It will be 63 pages and don't ask why it took me 6 years to finish such a short book, lol. I had to wait for my crazy life to continue happening to me which inspired this book.

If you want to hear more about the story here is the back cover blurb I wrote for my publishers, "Follow Melanie Burns on a thrilling journey to discover her heritage and freedom. Even as a soft slave, life hasn’t been easy until she joined a bold organization determined to rescue humankind by reversing their emotional, psychological, and physical damage. She also by fate met her soulmate, Colin Ruth.

As the two date and communicate strictly on a virtual reality app they are soon discovered and pursued by the South African government whose secrets are threatened by Melanie’s rehabilitation. Will Melanie and Colin overcome a trafficking system so entrenched in a country’s economy, and be united?

Through her relationship with Colin, Melanie learns about her identity and embarks on an absorbing adventure to emancipation and her true heritage. Although she loves her family that has raised her, her destiny still calls, and she runs on an uncertain path without looking back.

This book is like a shot of pure gold and will have you reading it over again. You will enjoy the dystopian world created which is not too far in technology from our own but maturing in the fourth industrial revolution."

As you can tell I ran away with my imagination but the end is just awesome to me.

If you want to read the unpublished format I have it on wattpad at this link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/360367960-virtual-2-reality

My publisher thinks it deserves a world wide audience and I am starting to think so too because every time I read it I still enjoy it.

So far my publisher has done the book cover and has proofread it and done the layout. It's going to take at most 2 years to publish unfortunately because of my financial situation but I am willing to invest in this and I can see how a return on investment is highly probable.

Do you think it would make a good movie?

UPDATE 31 July 2025:

So Austin Macauley Publishers sent me an email yesterday to authorize my book for publishing. But they did tell me they'll hold on to my book until I complete my payment for my half of the publishing and marketing process.

So excited! I've already prayed that I will be able to continue making these payments.

The cover is ready and the book is ready for print and I am satisfied.

The book will cost $7.95/€7.95/£6.99/AUS$12.95

The book although not referencing the Christian universe directly, is very administrous and I hope many people will buy it.

I'll be using my webcam for self-tapes now

 I'm so stupid! I've been buying cheap camera stands that easily break because I want to make self-tapes but my webcam is working fine! I'm so excited to get back to filming my self tapes.

So I am starting this blog to practice and capture my acting skills in front of a camera, to share what I learn about acting and the performing arts, and to share any achievements including my books, and maybe some fashion.

My stage name is Reyno Eastwood and this blog exists solely to entertain you because that is what I love doing.